Hoping to suffer less

There would be a lot of “I” in this essay. Because that’s exactly what I’ve been neglecting. Disclaimer  :  More than 30 years of ongoing torture to myself and I am still worried about others. I want to put an end to it. Maybe, I am a people’s pleaser. Not that I do things to please people. I do because I care. I also don’t do certain things (like speaking up for myself) because I am afraid that I will lose them or have a fear of hurting them and feeling guilty afterwards. It’s high time I put an end to it. I am coming to realise that the only way to reduce (nothing can make it disappear) this torture is to let all these emotions out. This means that the next time you talk or be with me, I am not sure if I can maintain the same standards of your perceived caring, polite, loving, soft nature of mine. Very likely that I will be defensive, impolite, short tempered, not so caring and the worst of my nightmares, selfish. The reason for this long disclaimer before the actual story i...